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How to Listen to People’s Problems and Not Feel Drained
It is common for those of us who are intentionally growing to find friends seeking our advice or emotional support. We enjoy lifting others up around us but sometimes we feel drained after being a sounding board, even if we helped them feel better. How do we prevent this energy drain that often comes with being a good listener/advice-giver? Here are some of the best strategies I’ve picked up over the years.
1. First, find out exactly what your friend wants. Do they just want a listening ear for their venting? Or do they want advice to solve a problem? I learned this awesome tip from my husband. Encourage your friend to clarify this and it will decrease a lot of frustration and miscommunication. Sometimes they will say both and that’s okay too.
2. If you feel burnt out and your friend’s problem isn’t time-sensitive, tell them. If you’re not in a good place emotionally it will be hard to give them your full attention. Reschedule your talk or let them know when you feel up for it.

3. Try not to burden yourself by thinking you have to solve all their problems or change their emotional state. All of that is their responsibility. People who are naturally good at supporting, coaching, and empathizing with others also tend to fall into this trap. You make a huge difference by offering a listening ear, offering your genuine heartfelt advice, and by being mature enough not to insert your own drama into the discussion. Don’t think that if you’re not solving problems you’re not being helpful enough.

4. If you are simply aiming to listen and you notice you tend to bring up your own shit or try to solve their problems, focus on feeding back what they said to you in your own words (sometimes called Active Listening). This helps the other person feel understood and helps you stay on the same page. It will be obvious if there’s a misunderstanding, as you might say, “So you mean ______?” and they might reply, “No. I meant ______.” I learned about Active Listening when I was 18 and started using it. It made all my relationships ten times better! It seemed weird at first, but it has become second nature to the point where I forgot it was a skill I had to develop.

5. Use your intuition! If you have a strong thought about a personal experience or information you have relating to what your friend is saying don’t hold back from saying something. Things aren’t black and white. It’s not that you should NEVER give advice, but you should be tactful about when, how, and how much you do it. If you still doubt your decision-making you can always ask if your friend wants to hear it.

6. Do not base your value on how much you help others. Ultimately they have to want to help themselves. You’re not “successful” only if you help others solve their problems – just as you’re not a “failure” if you don’t. I know it sounds cliche, but you’re successful if you stay true to the person you want to be and give it your best shot.

If friends are coming to us regularly for help or a listening ear, it’s important to know how to keep our energy high – not just for our own well-being but also so we can be our best for those we care about. If you want to share any of your own tips besides the ones mentioned above, leave a comment below!

Photo by Bewakoof.com Official on Unsplash
April 23, 2021
Find Peace in These Challenging Times by Connecting with Your Higher Self

by Mandie

Connecting with our higher selves can calm our nerves, bring us clarity, bring us comfort, and get our minds and bodies back in balance when life has turned upside down. And there’s no doubt that these are challenging and stressful times right now. It’s not always easy to get in touch with that part of ourselves, and it is particularly hard to do so in a crisis because all the the worry, stress, and anxiety is clouding over our thinking and we’re stuck in a fog.

According to The Law of One, a channeled text from a being known as Ra (a collective of soul consciousness that serve as a memory data bank), our higher self is actually us from the future. It’s essentially a version of our soul that’s further along its path of evolution and is accompanying our physical self as a sort of guide/mentor. (If you want to learn more about what Ra has to say click here.)

Connecting with our higher selves can give us a glimpse of our true nature – which from my limited understanding is like a pure love energy with unlimited potential and no fear and resistance. It gives us a reprieve from the anxiety we feel as a result of everything going on in our lives.

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”
– Buddha

Clear the Clutter

You can’t expect to be able to go from feeling stressed out and overwhelmed to a calm and clear state of consciousness. The struggles of life sometimes need to be addressed in a practical way, or at least make an actionable plan of something you can do toward resolving the problems. Some things are obviously outside of our control, and we’re forced to make the best of things the way they are.

Clear up the clutter in your mind so you can stop spinning your wheels and mentally relax.

Write down everything that’s on your mind – what your thoughts and feelings are about what you’re struggling with. If there are any actions you can take that would help ease your mind, pick one and do it.

“Suffering is due to our disconnection with our inner soul. Meditation is establishing that connection.”
– Amit Ray

Meditate for 5-10 Minutes

I know it sounds short, but here are my reasons:

I don’t know about you, but I’ve always had a very busy mind. When I try to meditate for 20 minutes or so, I either start getting frustrated with how much my mind wanders, I start falling asleep, or I never even meditate at all because I don’t have enough time.

When I decide to meditate for less time, there’s a higher likelihood of me actually doing it.

Sit in a way that’s comfortable, in a chair or on the floor. Try to have decent posture, and if that’s difficult due to body tension or injury you can sit with your back against a wall or lean against the back of a chair. This tip came from my husband, who’s been studying martial arts/healing arts/mind-body training for over 20 years. You can even lie down to meditate, just proceed with caution if you tend to fall asleep when you relax!

You don’t actually have to be sitting in a traditional posture with your thumb and fingers touching to calm your mind. Although this may be ideal, our busy lives don’t always provide us the luxury of being able to do things in the best possible way. It’s better to make time to practice meditating when and however we can than not do it at all because we don’t have an ideal situation for it.

In fact if we can get better at relaxing our body and mind in any given situation throughout the day, we begin to live in the present moment more and more of the time.

I like to focus on feeling one part of my body relaxing at a time, every time I exhale. Working from the top down, I start with relaxing the face and head, then the neck, shoulders, upper back and chest, stomach and lower back, pelvis, and so on until I get to my feet. I do a few breaths for each body “section.” This gets my focus away from my thoughts and releases tensions I didn’t even realize I had.

Another thing I’ve found helpful is to not get upset when I notice my mind wandering. Just acknowledge the thought, then bring your attention back to your breathing or physical body.

Read something in the spiritual genre

Read something in the spiritual genre that feels true to you. Some of my favorite books, are The Art of Happiness by The Dalai Lama, The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield, Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman, A Course in Miracles or related works. Or listen to related podcasts or radio shows. These help remind me that we are more than our bodies and minds and are part of something much, much bigger.

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Photo credit: Kirsty Barnby on Unsplash

March 26, 2020
Self-worth and Emotional Pain (short post)

“Lack of self-worth is the fundamental source of all emotional pain. A feeling of insecurity, unworthiness and lack of value is the core experience of powerlessness.”
Gary Zukav & Linda Francis

I think on a more basic level emotional pain comes from the perception of lack and loss, or a fear of these things. Whether it’s a faulty perception of ourselves such as “I’m never good enough,” “I’m a failure,” etc, or from loss where were afraid we’ll never feel whole or be happy again.

These perceptions that cause our suffering aren’t permanent. We don’t stay stuck in them forever, but it can sometimes feel as though we will.

I believe these perceptions cause so much pain because they aren’t in alignment with our true nature on a spiritual level. We certainly feel powerless when we don’t recognize or accept or own value. It will cause recurring problems in relationships, mental health, and limit or careers and social lives as long as we keep believing and acting as though we don’t matter.

February 20, 2020
How to Protect Yourself From Other People’s Negativity

by Mandie

When I was a kid, it seemed like I felt pain more than anyone else around me. Not just physical pain, but emotional pain. I cried easily, over many things. I had an especially hard time when people were fighting around me, and I didn’t even have to be involved. I could feel the negative energy and felt upset and overwhelmed. I didn’t have a constructive way of handling it.

Maybe other people felt just as much pain as me and were simply better at not showing it. Or maybe they learned how to not let it get under their skin the way I did. I will never know. (I don’t believe being sensitive is a bad personality trait that we need to get rid of. It’s driven me to become good at relationships and communication and it’s in large part the reason why I have a compassionate and empathetic personality.)

For years I’ve searched for ways to maintain inner peace, or ways to stop mental and emotional chaos once it’s started.

Here are the most powerful lessons I’ve learned, broken down into five sections below:

1. The real source of our pain

Your thoughts and judgments cause emotional pain – not other people’s words or actions. I used to focus my attention on trying to get other people to change, or my environment to change, to make myself feel better. Although these things can influence how we feel, if we focus only on changing our surroundings and not ourselves, we’ll be playing a game we can never win. Eventually, I grasped the idea that trying to control another person’s behavior is impossible. I shifted my attention to the only thing I could control: myself.

Once I began researching this idea more in depth, I came to understand that not only is controlling someone else’s behavior impossible, it’s also pointless. Whatever problem we’re blaming them for really resides within our thinking.

Here’s what I mean: Two different people can witness the same interaction and perceive different levels of negativity in the exchange. This is due to our own unique set of beliefs through which we view the world.

“Negative” interactions can actually give us opportunities to change something profound in ourselves if we let them. If we perceive things as negative, we are affected negatively. If we perceive things as positive, or at least try to find a silver lining, we are affected positively.

2. Responsibility

Learning that my perceptions and judgments were the true source of my emotional pain is changed my outlook on life significantly. I learned I could influence how much or whether or not I suffered, and I no longer felt afraid of how others were going to act or how I was going to react.

It’s empowering knowing this. But, like Uncle Ben says in Spiderman, “…with great power comes great responsibility.” Once you understand that your interpretations of things matter more than whatever anyone else does, you can’t deny your responsibility – for the way you treat others, the way you treat yourself, and how happy or miserable you are.

It’s easier to blame other people than take responsibility for your inner peace. You feel better about yourself if you can blame others. You get to be the victim and receive attention from others for your suffering which makes you temporarily feel better. You can’t blame others for your suffering anymore. If you do, you’re lying to yourself.

“Accountability breeds response-ability.”
– Stephen R. Covey

3. The two selves: love and fear

I believe that we are more than our bodies and our minds. I believe we have some sort of soul, spirit, or higher consciousness that is beyond our bodies and minds that we have yet to fully understand.

This part of us is said to be our true self – which is pure unconditional love, creative, limitless, cannot be harmed, and never dies. In many spiritual schools of thought, this higher part of us is made up of the same energy that makes up the entire universe and binds everything together.

Some people call this part of us God, or at least say that it’s connected with God. However, when we are young and begin to develop language and understand our place in the world, our minds create an idea about who we think we are (called the Ego in psychology), and how we think the world works based on fear, lack, and limitation. We suffer because we believe the lies our mind creates and try to live as if they were true.

4. The more someone is hurting, the more hurtful they will usually act

Remember the last time you heard someone say something to you that hurt you? The truth is more than likely they were stressed out and/or upset. They were probably functioning from fear. If you reacted by feeling attacked/defensive and wanting to attack back, that means you let their fear pull you in so that you started operating from fear as well.

Albert Einstein said, “You cannot solve a problem with the same kind of thinking that created it.” You can’t solve fear with more fear. The only way to solve fear is to meet it with love. If you can recognize that when someone is attacking you they’re in a state of fear and then you respond from love instead of attacking back, you will help them as well as yourself.

Of course, you can still communicate to them how you felt about what happened and stick to your boundaries, and that doesn’t mean you’re coming from fear. It means you’re acknowledging the situation and having an honest dialogue to improve your relationship. Acting rude, cold, passive aggressive, or attacking back means you’ve let fear win.

“If you do not have control over your mouth, you will not have control over your future.”
– Germany Kent

5. Accept your emotions – don’t try to change them

Sometimes when I’d get upset about other people’s negativity, I would end up being more upset about how I felt about it than about what originally happened. Because I did not want to be so easily upset all the time, I would get upset with myself for feeling upset! As you can imagine that only made things worse. If you understand that your feelings can’t hurt you unless you stay in that negative state for a long time, you can accept them and move on much easier.

You can say to yourself, yes, I feel really pissed off and really upset about what happened and that’s okay. Your feelings will pass like clouds in the sky. When you don’t like how you feel, you try to make yourself feel differently. That’s when you get stuck. You’re trying to force your feelings away because you see them as being bad, and you will only feel worse and worse. Acknowledging that it’s okay to feel upset will lead to a much faster turnaround from your state.

What strategies do you use for handling other people’s negativity? Add your favorites in the comments!

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(Also published on Addicted2Success.com. Image credit: Unsplash)

November 27, 2019
The Paradox of Choice (short post)

“Indecision is the enemy of progress. Not saying ‘yes’ to one possibility is saying ‘no’ to them all.”
– Micheal Haggstrom

Have you heard of the Paradox of Choice? American Psychologist, Barry Schwartz (author of Why Less is More), says that although autonomy and freedom of choice is critical to our well-being, too many choices has a negative effect on us. Schwartz argues that the sheer number of choices we have to make in developed Western societies can lead to stress and even paralysis (inaction). Rather than choose “wrong” we don’t choose anything at all, because we’re afraid of missing out on a better experience.

We have way more options for material goods than ever before in history, we have unlimited access to information via the internet, we have so many more career and lifestyle options as well… I think the Paradox of Choice is a great thing to keep in mind to make sure we don’t fall victim to our own inaction. Maybe the solution is to get clear on our goals and priorities in life, to make it easier for us to make decisions and take action without dwelling on the what-ifs or fear of missing out.

November 21, 2019
Why I Think Feminism is Bad for Relationships
Throughout history, the oppressed haven’t merely sought equality with their oppressors, they sought power over them.

I’m paraphrasing something I heard a friend say which I believe is true. The idea of feminism certainly seems good; organized activity on behalf of women’s rights and equality. However, speaking as a female who grew up in the United States, I have not once experienced any kind of discrimination that I can recall that was proven to be because of my sex. I have in fact experienced special treatment/opportunities/privelidges for being female (and was told as much). Now am I just lucky? Or have things really changed? At least in this country, I fail to see how the idea that women are being surpressed and discriminated against is even still entertained. I think things have gone past the point of being balanced and tipped in the other direction. Men are the ones being discriminated against now. (If you want to see some shocking statistics on men’s issues, I’d suggest looking up The Red Pill, a documentary produced by ex-feminist film-maker Cassie Jaye.)

Argue with me all you want but the truth is out there: Women’s only events, clubs, special offers/discounts…men are told they’re not allowed to take part but no one can do anything about it if a woman wants to participate in anything for men because no one wants to deal with a lawsuit for “discriminating” against women. I believe that this idea that women are being oppressed and need to “fight for equality” is causing feminists (maybe not even consciously) to not only want equality but power over men. It doesn’t seem to matter if the days of women being oppressed by men is long gone.

I haven’t studied feminism in-depth, and apparently there are like 20 different types of feminism. I mostly wrote this based on human behaviors and belief systems that I’ve observed which seem to be connected to the feminist movement as a whole. Maybe some of these issues are only in line with a particular type of feminism, such as radical feminism (the group that views society as fundamentally a patriarchy where men dominate and oppress women), and I am generalizing more than I should. But my purpose is to open peoples’ eyes to what I’ve seen in case it can transform their relationships in positive ways like it did for me.

Here are the three biggest problems I see feminism causing in relationships:

Bad behavior is justified

Many of us are gender biased, but not in the way you might think. We see women as innocent until proven guilty, while we see men as guilty until proven innocent.

We see a woman hit a man, Look at her standing up for herself! I’m sure he deserved it. We cheer her on. People see a man hit a woman, That abusive asshole! We call the cops and hope he gets arrested for assault. I’m generalizing. Obviously not everyone sees things this way. But does anyone else think this is a problem?

Whether we think women are still being oppressed by men, or we think women are better than men, we think women’s behavior is justified. Women can get away with being mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive to men. However, if men behave the same way not only are they viewed as assholes but they are more likely to be arrested and charged for things like domestic violence or sexual assault.

If women see themselves as victims it won’t matter how much disproving evidence the world throws at them. There will always be something to cry inequality about because that is how the mind works. When you strongly believe something and aren’t willing to open your mind to other options, all you can see is what you believe. Anything else you’re blind to.

It’s always the guy’s fault

If we think women’s problems are caused by men or “toxic masculinity,” who do you think gets blamed for problems in relationships? Not only do women blame the relationship’s problems on men, but I’ve seen some men take full responsibility for the problems, even when I don’t think they should. (Watch for this in Hollywood films and TV.) It doesn’t even matter who’s to blame, but if both parties don’t own up to their part in things and take responsibility for fixing them the relationship will stay out of balance. Women who are busy blaming men for problems see no need to take responsibility for making things better. And the worst part is, men who understand what’s really going on can’t call women out on any of this crap because they’ll get blamed and labeled as misogynistic or abusive.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I believe a feminist mindset is clashing with women’s ability and/or desire to be respectful toward men, and respect is essential for a healthy relationship.

According to relationship researcher, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D (author of Love and Respect: The Love She Desperately Craves, the Respect He Desperately Needs) men’s primary need in relationships is actually respect over love, while women’s is love over respect. Women treating men disrespectfully may be even more detrimental than we think to the health of our relationship. (By the way, the song “Respect” was originally written and sung by a man! See source.)

I hear women complaining about their male partners all the time and I see so much media about this, and I have to ask, why are we as a society so focused on men disrespecting women while ignoring the fact that women disrespect men as well? Do we want equality or not?

I have an app that helps you find popular hashtags and their ranking to use on social media. I found 212.9 thousand posts found with the hashtag “respectwomen,” along with many related hashtags such as “#respectwomensrights,” “#respectwomenprotectwomen,” “#respectwomenmemes,” etc. My app found zero posts with the hashtag “respectmen” and zero related hashtags.

We are demanding that men respect women, but why are we not demanding that women respect men?

Dr. John Gottman, a psychological researcher and clinician, studied divorce prediction and marriage stability for over 40 years and could predict breakups with 90 percent accuracy. One of the main determining factors he looked for was whether or not couples allowed an attitude of contempt to creep into their relationship.

Respect and contempt cannot coexist. When women respect the men they are with, magic happens. If you have a respectful attitude toward your male partner there’s no room for contempt to creep in. If he’s fulfilled it’s so much easier for him to fullfil your needs.

I know feminist women who are in conflict because they want a happy, healthy relationship and they love their man, but their mind is filled with stereotyped beliefs about guys that cause friction in their relationship. (Such as: Guys never understand, guys are bad at listening, guys are lazy, selfish, unsupportive, immature, etc.) Are these beliefs really true? Or are women just so latched onto these ideas that they can’t see anything else?

What is respect in action?

My theory is that some women are afraid that being respectful will put them in a position of weakness. If you treat him with respect it doesn’t mean you’ll lose power, control, or leverage in your relationship. If you do feel you need to have control, you may want to ask yourself why and if it’s really justified.
- Listening to your partner, without interrupting and without judging everything they say. Listen to understand where they’re coming from.
- Being considerate of preferences, likes, and dislikes they’ve expressed. If they’ve said they hate beets then don’t cook them beets on purpose.
- Giving space if they’ve asked for it
- Let them do things they want to do. You’re not their mother
- Try to let go of a need to control. The need for control is an illusion that comes from fear. Try to find out where the fear is coming from and if it’s justified.
- The way you speak to them. Imaging how you’d talk to someone who’s opinion you respected like your doctor or therapist… Now imagine how you talked to a younger sibling when they were annoying you… which way are you speaking to your partner?
Part 2. What being respectful does NOT mean
- Letting your partner always have their way. If you don’t speak up for what you want, you’re still disrespecting yourself.
- That you’re a weak, incapable female lacking confidence and self-esteem
- That you’ll lose power, leverage, or control in your relationship
- That you’ll enable your partner to treat you badly
My experience

My relationships with men changed for the better with this awareness. I don’t know if I would call myself a feminist in the past, but I certainly believed some things about men that turned out to be completely false! I used to have this crazy belief that men were tougher than women and therefore didn’t feel as much emotional pain. I also thought it was okay to treat my first boyfriend like crap and really pushed his limits by doing things like flirting with other guys in front of him, lying to him, and kissing his cousin behind his back. He never deserved any of it. You can’t take back actions you regret no matter how bad you want to. The only thing you can do is learn from your mistakes and use them to become a better person.

Summary

Even if feminism used to be about equality, it’s about power now. Believing that women are victims of men’s wrongdoings allows women’s bad behavior to be justified and even encouraged. If men are by default the ones to blame for problems in the relationship, it allows women to not take any responsibility in their part or in fixing things. To have a healthy relationship respect needs to go both ways. If men’s primary need in relationships is actually respect, even more than love, treating him disrespectfully could be even more harmful than we realize. Another problem with women treating men disrespectfully is it opens the door for contempt, a proven relationship killer. If you’re struggling to be respectful you may be afraid of losing power or control, or you may believe he doesn’t deserve it.

Final thoughts

Bashing men seems like the cool thing to do to do right now. I’d like to see it become cool again to stand up for your guy when he’s not there, be honest with him, and not put him down to his face or behind his back. Instead of seeing people cheer women on for abusing guys, I’d like to see women stand up and say, Stop treating guys like shit! I’d like to see women stop viewing themselves as victims in our society, and see things for the way they are. And I’d like to see women stop thinking they’re better than men, and acknowledge that both sexes have their strengths and their weaknesses. That’s why we’re all better off if we work together not against each other.

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September 12, 2019
Let Go of the Rope (short post)

“I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be.”
Albert Einstein

Letting go of the old versions of ourselves can be both scary and exhilarating. If we truly want to embrace a new version of ourselves and reach our potential, we must trust that it’s safe to let go of the beliefs and behaviors that hold us back. We may feel more secure by staying attached to them, but the reality is we’re giving in to fear. We might need to remind ourselves that things will be okay (and even fun!) if we let go of that rope swing.

June 12, 2019
Function From Love and Watch Life Love You Back
Have you ever noticed when something really good happens to you or you’re in a really good mood, other things in your life seems to effortlessly fall into place? People say and do things and events play out in ways that boost you up even more? Conversely, have you noticed that when you’re in a bad mood or one unpleasantly jarring thing happens, other things in your life begin to spiral downward as well?

That seems to be the case more often than not, in my experience. I don’t believe it’s a coincidence and here’s why:

Everything is energy

“Concerning matter, we have been all wrong. What we have called matter is energy, whose vibration has been so lowered as to be perceptible to the senses. There is no matter.”

— Albert Einstein

Einstein believed everything is energy. In addition, he’s saying there are different frequency levels things vibrate at (think radio waves). Things we perceive as physical are vibrating at a lower frequency; things we can’t perceive at a higher one. Since humans are a part of the universe, that means we too are made up of energy. I believe we are vibrating at different frequency levels as well, depending on our level of consciousness (which can change).

This explains why some people ‘just click’ when they first meet, why some close relationships seem to grow apart for no reason, why we enjoy a particular kind of music (different music = different vibration frequency), why that can change depending on our mood, why some people can sense energies that others can’t, and a whole lot more.

Our energy affects our environment and other people.

It seems the whole universe is one big cosmic energy interaction that has a kind of order and purpose that we could study for a lifetime and still not completely wrap our heads around. I’ve heard the idea that our energy affects everything else from several other sources as well, and it would make sense if everything is connected.

Scientific sources have also stated that we can affect things consciously. One example is Dr. Masaru Emoto, author of New York Times best seller The Hidden Messages in Water, who studied the effects of human intention on water crystals. He claimed that positive thought, prayer, music, and written words created symmetrical, aesthetically pleasing crystals when the water was frozen, and negative words and thoughts created distorted, ugly crystals.

We are not a victim of our life; we are the creator of it.

The Celestine Prophecy, a spiritual adventure story (one of my all-time favorite spiritual growth books which I reference in other articles), talks about this concept as well.

“…the basic stuff of the universe, at its core, is looking like a kind of pure energy that is malleable to human intention and expectation in a way that defies our old mechanistic model of the universe–as though our expectation itself causes our energy to flow out into the world and affect other energy systems.”

— James Redfield, The Celestine Prophecy

You may have heard of the law of attraction: the idea that we can consciously create our reality from our intentions and beliefs. Whatever level of vibration we are functioning from will attract things in life to us which are of the same vibration. I think the law of attraction is misunderstood and over-simplified sometimes, but as long as we focus on raising our energy level with honest and pure intentions, I believe it will benefit us and everyone around us.

But there’s another more physical way we create our reality I don’t think is often talked about. We make thousands of decisions every day on how we do everything: our word choice and tone of voice we use while speaking to others, how we drive, how we move and carry ourselves, whether or not we decide to say hi to our neighbor, whether or not we run that errand, whether or not we eat that cookie, and on and on. (This is my husband’s theory, and it’s pretty awesome.)

Whatever our strongest, most persistent beliefs are about ourselves and the world, will literally create that reality for us through our actions.

For a lot of people, these daily behaviors are mostly unconscious; not true for people who have developed self-awareness. But all of these actions are a reflection of our state of mind and vibration level. If we want to change it we can work from the outside in – by conducting ourselves consciously in the way we would if we were at the level we wanted to be.

How do we raise our energy level?

To raise our energy to the level where life loves us back, I believe the answer is by getting into a state of consciousness where love, appreciation, joy, or faith fills us up and leaves no room for the fear and insecurity of the mind.

Here are 11 simple strategies to get you started:
1. Meditate. People have been meditating for centuries. There are many different ways to do it, but the purpose is always to bring your awareness out of your head and realign with your true self.
2. Recall a memory that evokes an emotion like love, safety, or gratitude, or use your imagination to generate the feeling.
3. Go somewhere with beauty, like nature, to bring your awareness to the present and good emotions.
4. Focus on your breathing. It can calm your mind and bring you back to the present.
5. Engage in thought-provoking/inspiring conversation with someone.
6. Exercise.
7. Do something to make someone else smile.
8. Let go of your worries and trust that everything will work out. Trust in whatever you trust in, that everything will be okay (I know, it’s harder than it sounds). Everything is as it’s meant to be.
9. Spend time with your favorite pets (animals naturally vibrate at a higher frequency than most humans).
10. Do something you love to do.
11. If you have nagging thoughts about an unresolved issue that are making it hard to be present, do one thing toward resolving it.
If you’re having trouble raising your energy level due to stubborn, dis-empowering and dejecting belief systems, try this. I say this in almost every one of my articles: You have to become aware of the thing you want to change before you can change it. Practice observing your thoughts, emotions, what you say when talking to others, and how you behave. Once you’ve gotten insight into your belief systems, question the belief’s validity. Is (this) belief I have about (that) even true?

“Questioning illusions is the first step in undoing them.”
– A Course in Miracles

Once you start consciously being able to raise your energy level you may find more people attracted to you, drawn like moths to a light. (If you have an issue with that you can set boundaries. You’re in charge of your life.) People will sense your change on an intuitive level and want to be around you more. They will also be lifted by your energy. They will feel happier, more inspired, think clearer, and be more creative. You’ll naturally bring out the best in others while you bring out the best in yourself – a win-win!

Summary

Everything in the universe is energy, and vibrating at different frequency levels, including us. Everything is connected. Not only does our energy affect everything else but we can consciously put our intentions out into the world and life will reflect them back to us. Another underrated way we create our reality is by every action we take and every word we say. How we conduct ourselves is a reflection of our state of mind/frequency level, and if we want to change that we can conduct ourselves consciously. When we raise our energy level we bring out the best in ourselves, in everyone around us, and we begin to see that life is happening for us, not against us.

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May 21, 2019
4 Tips for Dealing with Conflicts in Relationships (short post)
There are no “prefect” relationships. Relationships have conflicts. Whether it’s parent-child, friends, or partners. Conflicts give us opportunities to learn important lessons and ultimately help us learn how to love and be loved.

We might as well get rid of the idea that conflicts “shouldn’t” happen.

What we need, then, is to find a way to handle them.

Conflicts don’t HAVE to drive you further apart. They don’t HAVE to wear at your relationship.

So how do you handle conflicts? Here are the four most important things I have found to keep in mind:
1. Communicate your needs. If you blame or try to manipulate the other person they will get defensive and you won’t get anywhere. You have to get in touch with what you want and what you feel.
1. Speak to the other person’s needs. Try to put yourself in their position, even if you don’t agree. At least be willing to try to see where they’re coming from. Then communicate that to them. They will feel respected, and will be much more likely to respect your point of view.
1. When you need to come to a mutual decision about something, be creative and open to other options. Sometimes there is a brilliant solution just sitting there, waiting for you to broaden your vision.
1. Make sure one person isn’t always giving in while the other gets their way. Although it might seem to work well for a while, the resentment will build. Try to find a way for you both to win.
May 1, 2019
Stressed Out? Here Are 7 of the Most Effective Strategies for Centering Yourself

By Mandie

We all know what it feels like to be stressed out. Our mind races, we feel overwhelmed, anxious, irritable, and sometimes depressed. Small problems tip us over the edge because we haven’t got all our other problems “under control.” We just don’t want to deal with life anymore. I had a tendency to get easily overwhelmed and have worked hard to improve my ability to handle stress.

Here are the 7 strategies that have proven to work best for me over the years:

1. Determine if you’re stressed about something you CAN change, or something you CAN’T change

You should be able to know which kind of stress it is with a little bit of reflection. By knowing this, you can proceed with handling the stress more effectively. Is it one thing you’re afraid of? Is it one problem that seems insurmountable? Are you overwhelmed with too much on your plate? Or do you feel stuck and unable to change an undesired situation?

2. Don’t make excuses. TAKE ACTION!

Don’t complain if you’re not going to take any steps toward changing your situation. Don’t make excuses or put off doing things that could help you. Don’t listen to your thoughts that say there’s no point in trying.

Make a plan of action. f you’re stressed because of an unknown, figure out a way to get more information. If you’re afraid of not having enough money, figure out how you might be able to make more.

I like to write to-do lists in my phone where I can check things off, and write down events and reminders to call people etc. in my phone’s calendar with reminders turned on. Prioritize and be realistic about what you can accomplish. If you try to take on too many tasks you won’t accomplish any of them.

Follow through on your plan: Set a reminder or alarm in your phone if that’s what it takes.

Reevaluate: If things change and you either can’t follow through on your plan or it’s no longer applicable, go back and make a new plan of action.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” – Viktor E. Frankl

3. If there’s nothing you can physically do, adjust your mindset

Sometimes what you’re feeling stressed about is outside of your control. If that’s the case, there is still one thing you can change, your perception.

4. Know the real cause of stress

The real cause of stress is not actually what’s happening in your life, it’s what’s happening in your mind. Often, we blame other people and things that happen as the source of our stress, but the truth is those things are not the real culprit. How you perceive things (what you think about everything), is the real source of your stress. Sure, some things are harder or easier to get stressed about. But if you understand stress comes from your mind, it’s easier to handle when a stressful situation is outside your control.

5. Don’t resist your thoughts and feelings

When you resist what is, you suffer. If you criticize yourself, fight your thoughts and feelings, or worry about feeling stressed, you will only feel worse. Stress can actually be a motivator for making positive change. Try to accept the fact that you feel stressed, and use it to your advantage instead of resisting how you feel.

6. Ask yourself, what am I afraid of?

If you want to know the real underlying source of your stress, look for what scares you the most. Stress is really fear in disguise. We feel fear, or stress, when we are afraid of losing something. It doesn’t have to be loss of anything obvious or physical – it could be loss of security, loss of love, loss of respect or status, loss of freedom, etc.

After you’ve determined what you’re afraid of, examine that fear to see how realistic it actually is. Fear does not come from the rational part of our minds. Many fears are over embellished and unrealistic once we put them in the light of truth. Think of as many things as you can, that you know are true, that disprove your fear.

7. Don’t force yourself to think positively

You’ve probably heard about how positive thinking is good for you. Yet, maybe you’ve noticed times where you just can’t do it. Trying to think positively when I’m stressed never works for me. Trying to change my thinking from one extreme to another only frustrates me. I’m not saying positive thinking is bad, but I think doing it consciously has its time and place.

I think feeling stressed indicates something that needs adjusting in your life or in your mind. If you only try to think positively instead of investigating why you feel how you feel, you may miss opportunities for growth and change.

“Ten years from now, you’ll laugh at whatever’s stressing you out today. So why not laugh now?”
Tony Robbins

When you feel stressed, first determine whether things are inside or outside of your control. If you can physically do something, make a plan and take action! When stressors are outside of your control, remember that the real cause of stress is what’s happening in your mind in response to life. Don’t resist your thoughts and feelings.

Try to accept how you feel and use stress as motivation. Explore your fears that may be behind your stress and then disprove them. Don’t force yourself to think positively without first addressing the reason you are stressed.

What strategy works best for you when it comes to handling stress? Let me know in the comments below!

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(Also published on Addicted2Success.com. Image credit: Unsplash)

April 29, 2019