by Mandie
Do you ever feel like what you are fighting about with someone isn’t really what you’re fighting about? The Celestine Prophecy, a book about spiritual awakening and conscious evolution (and one of my all-time favorites), explains what’s really going on in conflicts from a spiritual perspective in one of the chapters.
“…we humans seek to outwit and control each other not just because of some tangible goal in the outside world that we’re trying to achieve, but because of a lift we get psychologically. This is the reason we see so many irrational conflicts in the world both at the individual level and the level of nations.”
— James Redfield, The Celestine Prophecy
The book describes a set of different behavior methods humans use to get energy from each other, which the author refers to as Control Dramas. The word drama means the particular behavior patterns we act out, like scenes in a movie or a play, over and over throughout our lives.
The book explains how energy makes up the entire universe, including ourselves. And scientists such as Einstein have proved it. This energy is referred to by many different names, including God, Spirit, Love, Source, or universal energy.
At birth, this energy flows through and within us. We are connected with everything. But when we grow up, we develop judgments, fears, and doubts, and more and more we find ourselves feeling cut us off – desperate to feel that blissful connection again. We are not truly disconnected, we only feel that we are because of the limiting, fear-based belief systems we’ve unconsciously adopted.
In our attempts to feel better, we try to get other people to give us their energy. When we make someone else pay attention to us, energy (literally) streams from them to us. We mistakenly believe that getting energy from others is the only way we can get it. We don’t realize we can get it ourselves much less how.
It’s easy to see dramas acted out in close relationships such as parent-child and between lovers. One drama triggers the other’s drama, and thus the tug-of-war for energy ensues. Relationships running on control-drama-power most of the time are exhausting and difficult to sustain.
“…Everyone manipulates for energy either aggressively, directly forcing people to pay attention to them, or passively, playing on people’s sympathy or curiosity to gain attention.”
Here are the four different types of control dramas. The book classifies them into passive dramas and aggressive dramas. Here they range from the most passive (The Poor Me) to the most aggressive (The Intimidator):
The Passive Control Dramas
1. Poor Me
Those who use the Poor Me drama get your energy by attempting to make you feel bad for them, or feel guilty, so that you will do what they want.
2. Aloof
Those who use the Aloof drama get your energy by closing up and going into their shells, so that you have to poke, prod, and question to get them to talk.
The Aggressive Control Dramas
3. Interrogator
Interrogators get energy and take control by questioning and judging. They make you feel defensive and like you owe them a good explanation for everything they ask about. They question and judge you for even seeming insignificant things.
4. Intimidator
Intimidators get energy and take control by use of fear. They may threaten you with anything from bodily harm, to the loss of their friendship, to “or else.”
Warning
You’ll easily see what dramas those closest to you use, but the biggest pitfall is only seeing dramas in others and not in yourself. It takes self-awareness, and frankly more balls, to admit to your own drama, but this is where real growth happens. I think the second biggest pitfall is always blaming others for causing your control drama. It doesn’t matter who triggered who! This thinking is childish and bad for your relationship’s health. What’s the best thing you can do? Focus on how to stop the cycle, not whose fault it is.
You probably know your close friends’ and family members’ control dramas at this point. But do you know yours?
What’s My Drama?
First, look to your childhood.
According to The Celestine Prophecy, we developed our main control drama in childhood to counter the control dramas our parents or guardians used. The behavior patterns became habit, and even after we grew up and left home, we continued to use the same control dramas in all our other relationships. Most of us use one main drama, but we may switch between others depending on our situation and/or who we’re interacting with. Our main drama is whichever one seemed to work best for us on our family members.
Which Control Drama Creates Which
An Interrogator creates an Aloof
An Aloof creates an interrogator
An Intimidator creates a Poor Me,
and if that doesn’t work, an Intimidator creates another Intimidator
How Does This Work?
Ask yourself, for example: Did your dad often seem critical, like you couldn’t do anything right? Did he ask you lots of questions then find something wrong with your answers? If so, his main drama was an interrogator. You likely became aloof – not wanting to divulge too much information to spare yourself from criticism.
Did you dad seem distant? Closed up like a clam? Was it a rare treat to hear a story from his past, or offer up any ideas or opinions? If so, his main drama was aloof, and you likely felt you had to poke and pry to get him to open up and give you attention – becoming an interrogator yourself.
Did your mom often complain about what wasn’t going well in her life? Did she often make you feel guilty for the problems you were causing her with your messiness, noisiness, or forgetfulness? If so, her main drama was a poor me.
Did your mom often yell and threaten you? Did you feel nervous around her? Did you fear for your safety? If so, her main drama was an intimidator. To get the energy to come back your way, you acted out the Poor Me. If that went unnoticed by her then you became an intimidator as well.
How to Stop a Control Drama Energy Battle
1. Don’t participate
A control drama energy battle can only continue if both parties are participating. If one person doesn’t fall into the corresponding drama when the other person acts out theirs, the cycle cannot continue. If you can notice when your control drama is taking over, jump on that opportunity to direct your behavior toward a more productive route. Or, you may be aware of the dramas of those closest to you. When you notice them falling into it, you’ll be prepared for yours to kick in and you can put a stop to it.
2. Name the drama
Another way to stop an energy battle is to name the drama that’s being used on you. This works because the dramas operate on a subconscious level, so if you bring them up to the surface of consciousness they cease to work.
For example, when someone uses the Intimidator and threatens you, you might try saying, “What are you angry about?” If someone plays Aloof, you might try saying, “Why are you being so vague?” If they play a Poor Me, you might say, “Why do you feel the need to make me feel bad for you?”
Further Reading
If you’d like to know how to increase your energy level so that you’re less inclined to participate in control dramas, click here!
