Tag: personal growth

Let Go of the Rope (short post)

“I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be.”
Albert Einstein

Letting go of the old versions of ourselves can be both scary and exhilarating. If we truly want to embrace a new version of ourselves and reach our potential, we must trust that it’s safe to let go of the beliefs and behaviors that hold us back. We may feel more secure by staying attached to them, but the reality is we’re giving in to fear. We might need to remind ourselves that things will be okay (and even fun!) if we let go of that rope swing.

June 12, 2019
The Truth Can Suck. But it’s the Secret to Changing Your Life

By Mandie

Personal growth is not a walk in the park. If anyone tells you otherwise, they’re lying.

Do you really want to change your life? Then you’ve got to get real, you’ve got to get honest, and you’ve got to be willing to stick it out when things get ugly. There will be times you’ll want to quit. But if you keep going, it’s more than worth it. Because if you change yourself, you change your life.

This summer my husband and I and a couple friends were at a Lindsey Sterling concert (she’s an amazingly talented/creative violinist and dancer). In between songs she gave an inspiring speech about her personal growth and overcoming depression.

She said she used to be depressed, and someone told her once that she was choosing to be. She felt upset about it, understandably, but she said she realized that this person was right. She began working on herself and faced some tough truths. She said it took a lot of work, but eventually she succeeded at turning her mindset and her life around.

“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”
– Joe Klass, Twelve Steps to Happiness

My husband and I have talked a lot about the concept of looking in the mirror and taking responsibility for our happiness, and he helped me through some mentally shitty places. When I heard Lindsey speak I wanted to write about it.

What I’ve learned is that…

1. In order to change any mental or behavioral habits, you have to first look in the mirror and be honest with yourself.

I had to ask myself questions like, am I doing things that are sabotaging my growth or success? Am I doing or not doing things that are holding me back? Am I making excuses for my behavior or attitude? Am I blaming other people for it? What thoughts am I thinking that are making me feel this way?

I’m not necessarily talking about people who are clinically depressed or suicidal. I’m not saying, hey, you can just change your mindset if you try. Some people have more things working against them. Like a chemical imbalance or a gut flora problem affecting their brain for example, or some other cause, which can make changing their mood or perspective way harder.

But we can all still take responsibility for seeking out answers and taking steps toward making changes.

2. Justifications and excuses get us nowhere.

We humans are great at bullshitting ourselves. We make up all kinds of justifications for why we’re doing what we’re doing so we can still feel good about ourselves. But if we want change, we must take responsibility for our behavior and attitude.

3. We must try not to get down on ourselves when we see things we don’t like.

It can be extremely hard to face up to our faults, and equally hard not to let self-awareness crush our self-esteem. I had to be reminded many times that the purpose of looking in the mirror is to grow, not beat myself up over what I don’t like.

4. It’s easy when it’s easy.

All of your worst traits will be most prone to showing up when we’re hurt, scared, angry, upset in some way, or not feeling good.

To paraphrase my husband:

It’s easy to be the best version of you when things are going great. The challenge lies in being true to who you want to be when things are tough.

5. We need to be patient with ourselves.

It can feel like change takes forever. But looking back, it seems like the struggle and growth I went through happened so fast. I wasted so much time being upset about where I was at – that I wasn’t living at some ridiculously high standard I set for myself. Try to remember to be patient with yourself!

Sometimes it will also feel like you’re going backwards in your growth, but in the big picture you’re not. Remember the ups and downs are part of your journey, and a setback doesn’t mean you’re going backward overall.

Summary

If you want to change patterns that are holding you back, the truth will be the key to your transformation and success – and it will also piss you off. You must be willing to look in the mirror and admit the tough truths about yourself, stop making excuses and take responsibility for your happiness, try not to get down on yourself, be aware that your worst side shows up when you’re not feeling up to par, and be patient about change.

If you enjoyed this article and want to hear when I publish new content, join my mailing list below!

April 29, 2019
How to Stop Limiting Your Potential: 3 Eye-Opening Insights That Can Change Your Life

By Mandie

Have you ever seen one of those videos on social media showing how you’ve been using certain products, or eating certain foods, wrong your whole life? And you say to yourself, “Wow! I never thought of doing it that way!” That’s a little like how I felt when my personal growth mentor (and future husband) gave me some insights on the life challenges I was struggling to resolve when we were first dating.

These insights turned my whole world upside down! I couldn’t unlearn what I had learned, so I had to change my old ways of functioning if I wanted to move forward. It was hard, but it was worth it.

Here are the 3 life changing insights I learned that can change your life:

1. If what you think, what you do, and what you say don’t line up, it can hurt your self-esteem and your credibility.

I said and did things that represented the person I wanted to be on the outside, while I hid the things I wasn’t proud of and lied just to keep on people’s good sides. My mentor figured this dishonest behavior probably was connected to the low self-esteem I struggled with (which affected everything in my life), and he was right!

Besides hurting how I felt about myself, he pointed out, I could lose my friends’ or family’s trust the second anyone found out I wasn’t being genuine. He said if you want people to be able to count on you, you need to actually be the person you present yourself to be.

I practiced paying attention and catching myself every time I was being dishonest. It can take a lot of work, but if you get your values/beliefs, words, and actions in alignment, the person people see is the person that you are. Some will like it and others will hate it, but those who stick with you are the ones who appreciate, respect, and admire you for who you are not for the image of yourself you present.

You will feel better about who you are, your relationships will benefit because people will trust you, and your word will actually mean something.

“Hiding how you really feel and trying to make everyone else happy doesn’t make you nice, it just makes you a liar.” 
Jenny O’Connell

2. What you believe about yourself dictates what you choose to say; but what you choose to say also dictates what you believe about yourself.

Another way I was unknowingly limiting myself was through my language. It seems like common sense that what you say aloud reflects what you believe, but what surprised me was that you can also reprogram your beliefs with what you chose to say.

Say “I need this” enough times when the truth is you want it, and you will begin to believe that you need it. Limiting words are things like can’t, always, never, and need. Non-limiting words/phrases are things like seems like, feels like, and right now.

For example, the statement “I can’t handle my life – it’s too hectic” makes you feel hopeless and disempowered, versus “I’m struggling to handle my life right now,” which reminds you that what you’re going through is temporary, and there’s hope for change in the future. The truth isn’t that you “can’t do it,” the truth is that you’re having a hard time “right now.

Whether you use limiting words/phrases about your abilities aloud or to yourself, you’re teaching your mind what to believe. Instead of using limiting words and phrases that aren’t true, try switching to more accurate and encouraging ones. Such as seems like, feels like, or right now.

3. You don’t need to control how you feel – you need to control how you act.

Trying to control your emotions is like trying to control waves in the ocean, you just can’t do it. And to make things worse, the harder you try the more frustrated you get – adding to your emotional overload. It wastes a ton of energy and gets you nowhere.

Instead, try to let your feelings be; realize that they will pass and focus on what you can control – what you say and how you act. You can feel angry but still talk calmly with the person you’re angry with. You can feel hurt but not treat the person you feel hurt by coldly or rudely.

Not being aware of the separation between feelings and actions can get you into a ton of trouble. I used to believe that if my feelings were strong enough I couldn’t help but act on them. Absolutely not true! This got me into trouble bigtime when I was younger.

I therefore believed that in order to act how I wanted I had to control how I felt. Learning that this too was complete B.S. changed my life. I no longer felt I had to put energy into doing something that was impossible.

“Heroes and cowards feel exactly the same  fear. Heroes just react to it differently.” 
Cus D’Amato

Wondering how to put these insights into action?

Start by growing your self awareness – this is the beginning of all growth. If you pay attention to yourself, you can align your values, words, and actions for a better relationship with yourself and with others, help make your mind work for you instead of against you, and handle overwhelming emotions without doing things you’ll regret later.

What insights have you learned that helped you see the world and/or yourself in a new and positive light? Let me know in the comments!

If you enjoyed this article and want to hear when I publish new content, join my mailing list below!

(Also published on Addicted2Success.com. Image credit: Twenty20.com)

April 29, 2019
6 Books That Showed Me a Path to Enlightenment

By Mandie

I LOVE this book. If you feel stuck or restless in your life, you want to know what your purpose is, or you’re not sure what to believe in and wonder if there’s more to life than your every-day experiences, then this book is for you.

This book is written as an adventure story. The main character travels to Peru on a mission to recover an ancient manuscript that is in danger of being destroyed by the local government. The manuscript is separated into nine pieces, each describing an insight into human spirituality.

The manuscript describes the spiritual awakening of humanity, where this awakening will lead our evolvement as human beings, how we can connect with universal energy and consciously use this connection to advance our personal growth, resolve conflicts in relationships, help others reach their potential, and more.

The wisdom in this book is used by both my husband and I in our every-day lives. The book is a staple in our collection because we’ve both benefitted so much from it.

The slogan of this book is “a book that changes lives” and it’s true! This book is part autobiography and part fiction. The book is set during the author’s college-days, when he was a world-class gymnast succeeding at life yet miserable, angry, and depressed. Dan’s life changes when he meets an old man working as a gas station attendant who becomes his spiritual teacher.

This book explains how we trap ourselves with the illusions of our minds, and as the old man (who goes by Socrates) teaches Dan how to unlearn what he has learned, and learn a new way to be present, at peace, and happy, we follow along and learn too.

This book goes super in-depth about the mind and the illusions our mind fools us into believing. It will blow your socks off. You may want to read a little at a time to let the information fully sink in. My husband refers to this book, along with The Celestine Prophecy, as his bibles.

Applying the information in this book definitely changed my relationships with all the men in my life for the better! This book brings to light a crucial difference in men’s and women’s emotional needs: Men primarily want RESPECT over love, while women primarily want LOVE over respect. The book also explains how to break free of the power struggles couples get stuck in and keep your relationship stable and healthy.

The author found this love and respect principle in the form of a bible verse. He believed that the verse was meant to be taken literally, and its importance had been overlooked. When he started teaching it to the couples he counseled, and saw dramatic changes take place – it even saved marriages. It may sound cheesy, but the love and respect principle proves itself to be true and EXTREMELY valuable. The information is not just valuable for couples either, and can help anyone better understand and communicate with the opposite sex.

According to Time Magazine, Byron Katie is “[a] spiritual innovator for the new millennium.”

In her 30s, Byron Katie was severely depressed, suicidal, and was often unable to leave her bedroom. Then one morning she had a life changing realization:

“I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being.”
– Byron Katie, thework.com

The book describes a self inquiry method known as “The Work” designed to help us end mental and emotional suffering. I did not actually read this book, but when I was going through a particularly rough time emotionally, my husband printed out the self-inquiry work sheets for me to do. Now, I already knew about how we shouldn’t believe all the negative shit our mind tells us, and doing “The Work” still blew-my mind!

This helped me feel at peace with myself, and freed up so much of the mental and emotional struggling I was going through. I’d highly recommend it to anyone, particularly if you struggle with guilt, anxiety, fear, worry, and anger.

This book changed my life because it describes two different types of mindsets people have, which determines if we are more apt to struggle or succeed in school, work, sports, or anything else we do in life.

The two mindsets are about how we view ourselves and our abilities. A person with a Growth Mindset believes that their skills and abilities aren’t set in stone; that they can improve anything if they work at it. They tend to use negative experiences to learn, grow, and become successful. A person with a Fixed Mindset believes their skills and abilities are set in stone. This results in them feeling like their skills and abilities determine their value as a person, so when they fail to meet performance expectations they’re too busy feeling worthless to be able to think about how they can learn from the experience.

I realized that I tend to have a fixed mindset and that’s why I struggle so much when I fail to live up to my (high) performance standards. This book helped me understand myself better, get past my setbacks faster, and learn from my experiences. If you want to succeed at anything in life and stop feeling shitty about yourself, get this book!

Parent Effectiveness Training is full of techniques on how to listen better, how to talk so that your kids will listen, and how to solve problems. It also has diagrams that I found helpful for understanding the concepts.

Although I was not a parent when I read this at about age 19, I got SO much value and practical, usable information from this book! It changed my life by changing how I viewed relationships and communication and by giving me the tools I needed to help make my relationships thrive.

The stuff works! I started communicating differently in my relationships and with the kids I babysat and there was less misunderstanding, less power struggles, and more happiness. I still use the methods today to talk with or resolve conflicts with my husband or anyone else in my life.

If you liked this article and want to hear when I publish new content, join my mailing list below.

April 26, 2019

Enjoy this blog? Please spread the word :)